


First Burn

by egirldallon



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bad Ending, Break Up, Cheating, Crying, Dialogue Heavy, Hamilton References, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Infidelity, M/M, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 03:10:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20828432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egirldallon/pseuds/egirldallon
Summary: I'm burning the letters you wrote meYou can stand over there if you want





	First Burn

**Author's Note:**

> oops. i was all fucky about being cheated on again so that inspired this. First Burn also did too.

𝙄 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙚. 𝙁𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙄 𝙨𝙖𝙬 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚, 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙖𝙞𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚, 𝙄 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚

Sonny already sent their son to Liv's not trying to involve his sweet angel in this mess. 

"Don't give me that shit Rafael," Sonny shouts at the ex-ADA, "Don't fucking give me that shit." 

Rafael looks Sonny dead in the eyes. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sonny asks, wiping at tears. 

"𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣 𝙄𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙪𝙨  
𝙃𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙣"

Barba leans back in the couch, crossing his arms. 

"You don't get to get shit faced at a cop bar, cheat on me and act the way you're acting." Sonny yells, tears falling out of his eyes. 

Rafael attempts to defend himself "I was emotional, it just pushed me over the edge Dominick." 

"No, don't you fucking dare. Don't you dare blame what you did to me on the baby you fucking killed." Sonny sobs out, pulling at his hair, scratching at his hand in anxiety. 

Rafael tries to approach Sonny. "Sonny please."

𝘿𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙥 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣  
𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪

"No! Get away from me you fuck!" Sonny steps away from him. 

"Sonny it was only onc-"

"No, I know it wasn't. I know because I've been told by too many beat cops that you've slept with them." Sonny's voice shakes.

Rafael goes silent and he backs away. 

"You turned off life support on Drew a year ago, I got married to you 9 months ago Rafael. How many fucking people did you fuck? How many people did you sleep with behind my back?! How many times did you betray my trust? How many?" His voice breaks and he collapses onto his knees.

He sobs into his hands uncontrollably and ugly. 

"More than 20 times." He says quietly as he fiddles with his wedding band. 

𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚

Sonny feels more sobs rip at his chest and he curls in on himself, bawling harder than he thought he could. 

Rafael sits on the couch, wordlessly and guilty. 

Sonny gathers himself and stops sobbing for long enough to get up from the floor, "No more chances Rafael, no more "I love you's" until I forget what you did. You don't get to talk your way into my arms."

Rafael stands and up once again tries to walk towards him. 

𝘿𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚  
𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙨, 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙢𝙨

"We have a son Rafael," Sonny's voice is stern but vulnerable, "Did you forget about him when you decided to fuck half my precinct? Leo asked me every night where Papi was. I told him you were at work. I thought you were at work. I stayed home raising a fucking child while you fucked people behind my fucking back!"

𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙨  
𝙀𝙭𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙣  
𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩  
𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙥𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝

"I have to go to work everyday knowing that half those men have had themselves in you! My husband! They think I'm a fucking fool, I'm raising a child and working full time while you're getting dicked down by them! Fuck you Rafael. You'd rather think about yourself than think about the man you fucking married!" 

"I still love you mi sol." 

Sonny laughs sardonically. "Don't give me that you piece of shit. You don't love me. If you did, you would have remained faithful." 

"Sonny plea-" 

"What happened to your vows? "I will always be only yours because before you I didn't feel like anything but now that I found you I feel complete. I'm whole and without you by my side I'm just me but together we're great." What happened to that Rafael? The Rafael who loved me? The one who honored our pledge of faith? Where the fuck did he go?!"

"I'm still right here Dominick!"

"No you're fucking not! You're fucking insane if you think the Rafael I married is standing in front of me! All I see is a cheating, lying, piece of shit, dead beat dad."

Rafael looks down to the floor in shame. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Rafael pleads desperately. 

"Sorry doesn't forgive the amount of men you've had in you or the men you've kissed or the nights you came home past midnight." Sonny feels tears cascade down his cheeks. 

"I'm so fucking stupid. I married a shitbag. I married a cheating piece of shit. I have so much to fucking learn." 

"Mi sol don't." 

"Don't "mi sol" me Rafael. I'm not yours anymore." Sonny grabs Rafael's hand and rips the two bands off his finger, the wedding band belonging to his grandpa. 

𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚  
𝘿𝙤𝙣'𝙩

"Leave Rafael. Get out now. Leo will never see your face again. Not that he did much in the first place." 

Rafael stifles sobs. 

"Don't you dare fucking cry like you're the victim here Barba. Get out. now. You have a key, come get your shit when I'm not fucking home. I don't want to see your fucking face." 

"Sonny please I want to make it work! I'm begging you!" 

"No. You revoked all rights to my son, and my heart when you decided to cheat." 

"Goodbye Rafael." 

Before Rafael could say anything else, Sonny pushed him out of the house, slamming the door in his face. 

𝙄'𝙢 𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚  
𝙇𝙚𝙩 𝙛𝙪𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙀𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙙  
𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩  
𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮  
𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠, 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝 𝙞𝙩 𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙣  
𝙅𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙪𝙧𝙣

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter:adasonnycarisi  
Wattpad:peach_tracie


End file.
